Mind, Body, and Soul is sponsored content, produced by CHVN Radio. The following article was written by Sylvia St. Cyr
According to a local mental health professional, many people experienced ambiguous losses throughout the pandemic and by acknowledging them, the healing process can begin.
“Letโs talk about loss during COVID,” says counsellor Wayne Friesen with Recovery of Hope. “Thereโs a specific term thatโs used for loss that isnโt clear, that isnโt official and itโs called ambiguous loss. The term was coined in the 1970โs by Pauline Boss and itโs been very helpful in situations where a loved one goes missing, has had a brain injury and they are not themselves or a disease like dementia. Ambiguous loss isnโt like a typical loss that everyone notices and is very clear-cut.”
Friesen shares that people have lost a lot during the pandemic and itโs important to know what to do with those losses.
“Ambiguous loss refers to loss that isnโt very clear and doesnโt have verification. Think about a family member who goes missing and is never found. The understanding may be that theyโre deceased but thereโs no body or official verification. There is no finality that everyone recognizes. While most of the losses weโve suffered during the pandemic are not that dramatic, there are similarities. Ambiguous loss can make a person feel very isolated and they may have a very hard time making sense of their experience in part because itโs not even clear to them.”
The pandemic forced people to abruptly say goodbye to many different aspects of life. Itโs really only now that a lot of people are coming to terms with what has all happened.
“What did we all lose during the pandemic that is important to be aware of but maybe difficult to notice or easy to dismiss? Sometimes we dismiss our losses because we donโt think theyโre significant or because other people have lost those things too. However, dismissing them just makes things worse so weโre much better off acknowledging them. The list of losses is pretty long but hereโs a few; the ability to celebrate (think graduations and weddings), the ability to say goodbye or end well (think about jobs ending, schools shutting down, etc and not being able to say goodbye), our normal coping mechanisms (think church, the gym, team sports), parental freedom (think forced homeschooling, no daycare, no friends or family time).”
Two of the hardest losses people encountered during the pandemic, especially the lock-down time, were not being able to be in hospital with sick loved ones and not being able to hold traditional funerals.
“Those losses are so difficult. The idea of someone we care about being alone in the hospital without companionship is so hard. To not have the ability to gather like we typical do for funerals took its toll. Humans have a big need to be together when we say goodbye to our loved ones. Those rituals and routines are helpful in the grieving process and their interruption was really hurtful and frustrating. Using Zoom and having memorials when restrictions were lifted were helpful but it still wasnโt the same as what we know.”
There were aspects of loss throughout the pandemic that were also hard to name or pinpoint for people.
“From our routines, to income, celebrations and travel, our losses were many. It might be helpful to make a list of things you couldnโt do or missed out on. When you read over your list donโt dismiss anything. Rather, let yourself acknowledge and be sad about them. If we donโt grieve our losses well enough, they end up piling on top of each other, creating more frustration, a lack of energy and more fogginess than necessary. Ambiguous loss is complicated because it isnโt very clear or can be easily verified. But by acknowledging and being sad about what we loss in the pandemic we can move through our losses with more resiliency.”